9 Years Completion: A Mini Reflection on the Last Decade

There once was a girl who stood in the very center of a college campus and each year, every Spring she would call her mom and ask her if her major was really what she was meant to be doing. She was driven by a pilot of expectation. Fit the mold. Following her brain’s capacity and not her heart.

This same girl found herself stepping in brains in a forest, slightly scarred from the look on a traumatized 18 year old girl’s face. Coming face to face with what she had been feeling all along. That major wasn’t it. The desire for that path had split.

A few years later she’s standing in what used to be her living room denying the only person she’d been with for the last 10 years. The next day she’d pack up everything she’d owned, called her dad to come pick her up to move back home.

6 months later God told her this new person would be her husband.

From school, to job, to job, to entrepreneur she slithered along still trying to find where she belonged.

School again. This time she changed her perspective. Loved everything about it but the building it was taught in. Next direction? Turn inward.

She set onto a journey she couldn’t turn off of. Wide eyed, shaking, lots of crying but changing. She became a snake, a wanna-be mother, a guide, collaborator, a voice and a singer.

New friends came about. The kind that are deeper than ever. God given, soul bound, telepathic connection.

She went viral then invisible to all but her people.

She found a spot that she never would have expected, ended things she never could have imagined. She stopped trying to make sense of it because she learned there isn’t always meaning in the twirling, turning inner workings of co-creating.

She almost quit again… like eight different times but that journey she couldn’t turn off of kept her going on.

She received flashes forward to the future of her life. Future wife. Future moments that made her ugly cry.

The thoughts that had led her through the last 30 years had been sucked out of her nostrils, her hair pores, her ears.

She fought her damnedest to hold on to the thoughts but they were nowhere to be found.

She surrendered it all to the one who had always knew and landed back at the beginning completely anew.

It took a decade to truly learn how to open her heart, how to believe, how to live and well, live and let god.

It took a decade to clear the fog but that girl she’d do it all over again if that meant being right back here in the palm of His hand.